Beyond the Small Perimeter of Me: I didn't know I'd love someone this much!

I am so thankful for my little boy. My life has changed completely since he entered it, and my heart will never be the same. Until you have a baby, you just can't fully comprehend the neediness of this helpless babe, the nonstop effort for peace and productivity, how you'll ever make it through a million days in a row with no sleep, and why you would willingly do this to yourself again and again because of the love you have for this child.

Now I had been a babysitter, I'd worked in the church nursery, I'd been someone who has loved kids my whole life. I told James when we got married that I already had the green light on kids, I would just be waiting on his yes. So a year and a half into our marriage, on our very first attempt ( and our last night in our old rental), Ian was conceived. The details of the future at that time were still fuzzy; I just wanted the pregnancy to stick, then I just wanted to be able to work right up until the end, and then my schedule didn't work right with daycare and we didn't have family nearby, and all of the sudden I went from climbing up the corporate ladder to being a stay at home mommy. I never imagined the agony over the decision of leaving my job, the difficulty I would have in those moments when I first stepped down from management, then quit my company completely. Having to the leave the great relationships I'd worked so hard to build, having to sacrifice all the income and accolades I'd fought so hard for, I had no idea what awaited me as I stared at the positive pregnancy test.
But when our little boy came, 3 weeks early but not a moment too soon, I knew I'd do whatever it took to make sure he had the best chance in life possible. All of my heartache and all of my hormones pale in comparison to the sincere joy I have every morning when I wake up to see his face. I am so thankful for him in a million ways that I will never have the time to tell- but just know this, I am thankful for my baby.

And for you mommies out there, confused on what to do next for your bundle of joy; these are a few of the questions I ask myself....

- Am I listening for God's voice? Am I asking for His next steps or just plowing along without a thought to His plans for my family? Am I leaving space in my head and heart for the lessons God has for me today? When you are scared or confused or feel conflicted- PRAY! When you are tired and weak and feel like a failure- Cry out to Him.

-Am I doing what's best for baby? Or for me? For my whole family?Or for my marriage? Some days you'll neglect yourself for your kids (ok, most days). Other days you need to let the kids make a mess or watch too much tv to let your husband truly feel honored and cared for. Some days you need to take time with your girlfriends (MAKE it happen). And some days, your heart may break as you drive to your 12 hr work day, but you know it's what's necessary for your family.

There's no perfect momma out there. Knowing that simple truth is like 73% of the battle. If you are a mom, you were called to be one. No matter how your children came to be yours. So stop worrying, stop comparing, and go be the amazing, incredible mom that I know you are!!!!